3 Mistakes To Avoid After Confronting Cheating Spouse

You had your suspicions and then you found out for sure that your spouse was cheating. You have confronted your spouse, and now the feelings are hitting you all at once.

You are feeling overwhelming hurt and pain. Your marriage is not what you thought it was. Your spouse lied to you many times about where he/she was, and who he/she was with. Now you are wondering, “is my marriage just a big lie?”

Also, you strongly feel betrayed. You wonder, “how could my spouse be with someone else?” “Especially after I’ve been 100% faithful throughout the relationship!”

There are other nagging questions that can’t seem to leave your mind. “Does he/she really love me if he/she cheated on me?” “What makes him/her want to be with someone else after all that we’ve been through together?” “After all I’ve sacrifice, how could he/she do this to me?” “What kind of person cheats on his/her spouse?”

Even though you are asking these questions, you are not sure you can trust his/her answers. After all as the saying goes, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” Even though you are not sure this saying is true, you wonder, “how can we move forward after this?” Also, “how am I supposed to deal with this?”

You ask yourself these questions because, while you want your marriage, you don’t want to be thought of as a fool. The fact is that you are not alone. The National Institute of Health (NIH) estimates that approximately 25% of marriages experience infidelity, and that infidelity may be more likely to occur in response to the pandemic stressors. But the fact that cheating is fairly common does not mean it is less painful.

If your desire is to work on your marriage and make your relationship strong, the following are 3 mistakes you must avoid, when dealing with your spouse’s cheating:

Mistake #1 – Avoid Pretending Things Are Now OK

Just because you have confronted your spouse’s cheating, does not mean things are OK. In fact, if the problems are not properly addressed things are likely to get worse. Why is that? Because now that you have confronted your spouse, he/she may be feeling tremendous remorse, guilt, self-disappointment, and/or shame. Unfortunately, when people predominantly feel bad, they tend to make poor choices.

The belief that things are now OK comes from the common misconception that the cheating itself was the problem. But what we know about relationship dynamics is that the cheating is usually a symptom of the problem. If the problem is not addressed, your spouse will continue to respond to you from self-defeating emotions that are likely to lead to bitterness and resentment. Pretending things are OK does not give you the solid relationship you desire.

Mistake #2 – Avoid Trying To Control Your Spouse

Another mistake to avoid is trying to control your spouse. Such actions include: checking his/her phone, reading his/her emails, asking a litany of questions when he/she goes out the house, and following him/her to see if he/she is really going to work, etc. Often this is done out of a belief that if you knew where your spouse was, who he/she was with, what he/she was doing etc., you would be able to protect yourself from getting hurt again. But that is an illusion.

When you try to control your spouse, after a while you become insecure, controlling, resentful, angry and exhausted. And even after trying so hard to control what your spouse does, you eventually realize that you can’t really control another person’s actions. Trying to control your spouse, does not give the relationship security you desire.

Mistake #3 – Avoid Trying To Control The Other Woman/Man

The third mistake you should avoid is trying to control the other woman/man. This includes calling, texting or contacting him/her in person, or on social media.

The most fundamental reason this is a mistake is that when you take time and make efforts to go after the other woman/man, you are taking your focus off your what is really important (your marriage relationship). Also, in going after the other woman/man, you are placing value and importance on someone who really does not have the power to change your relationship for the better. That power lies in the hands of you and your spouse.

Another reason it is a mistake to try controlling the other woman/man is because you can’t. You may spend a lot of time and effort telling the other person what you want him/her to do, but the bottom line is that the other woman/man will end up doing whatever he/she wants to do. Leaving you feeling frustrated, angry and overwhelmed. Trying to control the other woman/man, certainly does not give you the relationship happiness that you desire.

Here’s The Answer – Fix The Intimacy Issues In Your Marriage

Since your marriage belongs to you and your spouse, it is better to spend your time and energy fixing the problems in your relationship. In order to do this, you will need to:

  1. Find out what are the problems in your relationship and fix them
  2. Get good at communicating with your spouse, and get the answers to your crucial questions
  3. Repair the trust that has been broken in the relationship, while building the passion and intimacy in the relationship

If you are ready to fix your relationship problem(s) and have the marriage you desire, check out my Online Personal Development Course entitled: Conflict Resolution – Moving From Isolation To Intimacy. Since the course is online, you can go at your own pace. Also, you can take the course either on your own or with your spouse, and on whatever device you find most convenient.

The course will help you discover the problems in your relationship and guide you to fixing them. It will let you know the right words to say and what to do to improve the communication in your marriage. Finally, the course will teach you how to build the intimacy and passion in your relationship.

If you would like to have a personal, one-on-one online guidance in fixing the problem(s) in your marriage, feel free to contact me at 305-414-1917, or send me a message via the contact link on this blog.

Conclusion

When cheating occurs in a marriage it causes a lot of hurt, pain and anger. Often, that pain and anger is so overwhelming that you end up making 3 mistakes that further harm your marriage.

Making the mistake of pretending things are OK, trying to control your spouse, or trying to control the other woman/man, results in your feeling frustrated, overwhelmed, resentful and exhausted. Instead, work on finding out the real problem(s) in your marriage, get the answers to your crucial questions, and build the trust and intimacy in your relationship. Our online personal development course will give you the guidance you need to get the solid relationship you desire.

This article used an image from theĀ pexels.com stock images.

3 Ways A Personal Development Course Can Help Fix Your Intimacy Issues

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You are wondering if a personal development course can actually fix your intimacy issues. Especially since you have noticed that things are not the same between you and your partner. You guys used to be able to laugh with each other, relax and have fun together. But now you both feel isolated and distanced from each other.

Perhaps you have tried to get your partner to talk with you about your concerns. However, instead feeling closer to each other, you end up arguing with each other. And sometimes the arguments are about things that are so small, you are left wondering why it bothers you so much! Now you are at your wit’s end, and wondering what to do to save your relationship.

This is where an online personal development course can help fix your intimacy issues. Particularly if your partner is not keen on talking with a counselor or personal development coach. An online personal development course that teaches you the skills needed to solve the relationship problems can help in three specific ways:

1. Teaches Effective Conflict Resolution Skills

Often times a fundamental issue affecting your relationship is that there are layers of conflicts that have not been resolved. Some of these conflicts have been going on for years, with newer conflicts piling on top. In order to fix the problem, it is crucial that you learn the skills necessary to identify and resolve the actual problems.

An effective personal development course contains modules that breaks down how you are unknowingly, contributing to the problem. After telling you what you are doing wrong, it then teach you how to correct it, for good.

2. Teaches Effective Communication Skills

Think about the last argument you had with your partner. How did you feel about yourself after that argument? Perhaps you felt very frustrated, or perhaps you just cried because it was clear that your partner just did not get you.

Now imagine that you have learned the right words to say, and what to do during an argument. Then, imagine having an argument about the same thing, only this time, you have learned and implemented the effective communication skills. Now your partner can really hear you and get where you are coming from. And now after having that argument, you can relax and even laugh with your partner because you feel heard, valued, and understood! This is power of effective communication.

3. It Teaches How to Build the Intimacy In Your Relationship

Often, past hurts such as infidelity or cheating can adversely impact the intimacy in the relationship. This is because when you or your partner cheat, it causes incredible pain, anger and leads to the erosion of trust in the relationship. When trust is broken, it lowers the intimacy in the relationship

Intimacy is not the same as sex. Sex is intercourse between two people, while intimacy is the degree to which you are able to let your emotional guard down and be vulnerable with your partner. The ideal situation is for you and your partner to have sex as frequently you both desire, while also having the level of intimacy, passion, and connection that makes you greatly enjoy being together.

An effective online personal development course that is designed to fix your relationship should teach you how to build trust, and increase the intimacy and passion in your relationship.

Conclusion

This article answers the question of how a personal development course can help you fix the intimacy issues in your relationship. If you are looking for a course that teaches all the three components of conflict resolution skills, communication skills and intimacy building skills, then check out the personal development course entitled: Conflict Resolution – Moving From Isolation To Intimacy.

This article used an image from the pexels.com stock images.

Single And Ready For Mr. Right?

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Can You Relate?

You are single, and have the thought process, “When I find the perfect man, my life is going to be complete, and I am finally going to be very happy!”

Well there are two problems with that mindset. Firstly, have you ever heard the saying, “Opposites attract?” Well, that might be true for magnets, but when it comes to the mind and human behavior, this statement is more true, “Like attracts like.”

What that means is that if you are miserable and unhappy now, what you are going to attract is Mr. Miserable, Mr. Unhappy, and probably Mr. Drama.

A Better Plan On Finding Mr. Right

The second problem is the thought process that the only thing that needs to change is for you to have a wonderful man in your life, because that is the only problem. Well, let’s follow that thought process. Let’s say you meet this handsome, financially stable, and beautiful man.

Here’s a question. What are you going to do, when you start to get close to this wonderful man, and somehow you both get into an argument? What are you going to do when his words and/or behavior make you feel put down? What are you going to do when his actions really bother you? What are you going to say to him?

The answer is this. You are going to do, and you are going to say exactly what you have done and said in previous relationships. And ultimately, the result is going to be the same as the outcomes you have had in your previous relationships. It is predictable what you are going to say and/or do, based on this principle: people do what they know and what they have learned.

Isn’t it a better strategy to take control of your happiness now? Isn’t it a better plan to increase your chance of having a lasting, successful relationship by learning how to be happy now? Since “like attracts like,” isn’t it better for you to be happy with you, so you can attract Mr. Wonderful who is secured and happy with himself? Isn’t it a better deal to invest in your personal development, so that you can learn the communication, conflict resolution and intimacy skills necessary to have the kind of relationship you desire?

If you are ready to invest in yourself and learn the skills necessary to resolve conflicts in a way that increases passion and intimacy in your relationship, check out our conflict resolution course at http://wconsultingnetwork.com,


This article used an image from the pexels.com stock images.